Threats and finds...

 This is my NANO (national novel writing month) so grammar is on the back burner more so then ever.  I am checking spelling but that does not mean I won't miss something... read if you want and enjoy if you can...  

 

Journal Entry Fifty Seven A:

I need to find them. I need to. It is no longer a should, it is a need. I am loosing my mind over this. Completely loosing my mind.

I will find them.

Journal Entry Fifty Seven B:

Snapers is back. He has let me know where Dumbles is. Or at least as close as he can figure out. The Dark Forest. Someone, a hooded figure, has him. I will find him. I need to let the boys know.

A dirty smudged note in blocky writing:

I have your precious Dumbles. Your rock and stabilizer. Come out and find us if you can. Through darkness and justice, your strength will be tested. What is at stake is not your own life but his. So be careful and know yourself. Otherwise you will loose yourself. Start at the Dark Forest as your little sniveling black one has told you I am sure.

I will be waiting.

Journal Entry Fifty Seven C:

I can not believe this. This scum sucking dirt bag threatens to hurt Dumbles if I don't find them on my own. REALLY!!! I know I should tell Remus or Ms Nicci or even 'gail... no I can't. I can not risk it. If Dumbles was hurt because of it... I could not live with myself.

Kitnapped from the sock drawer?

 This is my NANO (national novel writing month) so grammar is on the back burner more so then ever.  I am checking spelling but that does not mean I won't miss something... read if you want and enjoy if you can...  

Journal Entry Fifty Three C:

It was so fulfilling talking to them. It was like old times. But we seemed to get now where new. Ms. Nicci knew enough about dementors to know that you had to have them give their essence, that you could not take it. I fighting thought that one. That you had to be on reasonable terms with a Dementor... 

A Dee-Men-Tor. 

 How do you even get on reasonable terms with one. That is just insane. INSANE!!! Crazy talk. Of course I am feeling kinda crazy right now too.

Kel, being who she is, knew the star charts well enough to know that the actually were placed about right if we were on earth and the locations probably were wherever the person who did all of this cursing was. I just needed to figure out where they are, generally, at this point in time. And remember where the extra large glowing dots were in correlation to them. Everyone burst out laughing at that.

So finding this person another way was the only way.

Sayen asked about the necklace, of course, and I had to tell her that when Peter went back to look for it, it was gone. Whether it returned to Rei or went somewhere else or was disintegrated he was not sure.

At that point in time Kel asked what happened when Siruis basicly tackled me.

I said I did see something. A face I could not quite make out. It was contorted, in anger and rage. Screaming and, well, in pain. I was not sure if I ever wanted to meet this person, but some how knew I had to. 

She then corrected herself and restated her question. “No. That wasn't what I meant. How did it feel to have Sirius Black save you?” She was grinning the whole time and if I could have thrown a shoe at her I would have. 

 Everyone else chuckled, but it was Ms. Nicci who put it into perspective for them all. “If it had been Remus, she would have had a very different reaction.” 

 At that point in time, I decided to end our little chat. Because no more discussion of the real problem was going to happen and I was beginning to feel tired.

And I probably would be asleep right now if I had not run into Remus on the stairs.

I asked him about his and James' detention. “Clean the room. And do potions clean up for a month.”

I cringed and apologized profusely saying that I could go talk to the headmaster and tell him it was my fault. Remus put his hands on my shoulders, (oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.) and told me that he and James did the right thing and me having detention or being expelled was not going to happen. 

“Expe...” Remus put his hand over my mouth, because I about yelled that. “Shhh... it is okay 'kit.” He took his hand off of my mouth and I just kept my mouth clamped shut. (my brain just turned to jello) 

“The Headmaster thought it would be best that we were not expelled that we had learned our lesson and the punishment was fitting the mistake.” He gave a little smile at this point. (Heart melt, goo.) “And no one was hurt.” (I so owe them something.) “So I am going to bed, you should too. Otherwise Sirius might kick you there himself.” 

 He started to turn to go up but stopped and looked at me. “Sirius said you felt like you might have lost some weight. Are you feeling okay?” He had made it a query and I knew better than to get into it right then. So I told him not tonight … and I am finally getting sleeping. So much to do so little time to do it in.

Journal Entry Fifty Four A:

I can not seem to find Dumbles. That makes me really nervous. He was not in his usual spot this morning and he has not been in or around any of my classes today. I think I am going to go sit in the common room and see if he comes around.

Journal Entry Fifty Four B:

He has not shown up all day and I haven't seen Snapers either. 

No, no no no no. I will not loose them. James gave me an idea to look in the sock drawers when he saw me looking for Dumbles in the common room but he is in none of them. I think I would hear about it if he turned up in some other sock drawer right. I have looked under the beds around in hidden corners. I have looked up on book shelves and in the coal bucket. But nothing. 

(that was a fun bath day when the troupe discovered the coal bucket.  I am fortunate Rowin does not like it but Dumbles... he is a light silver gray and he loves, and I mean loves, the coal bucket.)

 I know the boys are concerned. They call Dumbles my rock. And, well, he is. He is my stabilizer. 

Nevi is concerned. So concerned he has started his own little search party, in a way. I think he might be my plant whisperer. I think he can communicate with plants. He seems to be talking to them. Telling them to look out for Snapers and Dumbles. He has not told me anything yet, but we are still looking. 

I keep looking in the sock draw just hoping I missed him. He likes socks. He drags them off and under the bed, creating a little nest for himself. It is beautiful.

Journal Entry Fifty Five:

I know it has only been two days but it feels like more. How can you put a time on missing family. They are my family.

Of all the people Siruis has been the most supportive. I know that James, Remus and Peter but it was Sirius who seemed the most concerned. He was right there and actually looked in a few sock drawers of his dorm mates. So I finally asked him about the other night. The night I fell asleep next to him. I asked him what I told him.

He sighed. “You were so depressed 'kit. I was worried you were going to do something to hurt yourself. And then you talked about how you always seem to fail and I thought about last year and everything you went through and that we did not really believe you until so late in the year. I mean if we had figured it out sooner it would not have been so bad. You would have been in a better place. Able to take on your shadow self and she would not have had the power she did.” He ran his hand through his hair at this time. “So, I knew you needed a friend. And well, no one else was there. I was not going to let you walk away. That and you crumpled to the floor. It took me five minuets to get you to the couch. And I am very lucky I am on very good terms with the kitchen elves because they got hot coco and honey toast right away. I do not ever want to see you like you were at the end of last year. You were so thin and pale and... well, weak. There was one point in the fight with your shadow self I thought she was going to drain the life out of you. You could not seem to breath.” 

 I saw for only the second time in my life concern from him. 

“That is why I told Remus about how light you were when I tackled you. He told me that you wouldn't talk about it, I did not mean to cause any problems between the two of you.  I just...” I cut him off at that point. I told him it was okay. That I had not been eating well the last couple of weeks and I showed him a plate full of snacks and he accepted that. Right before we went our separate ways he said another sweet thing. “We will find them both and everything will be fine.” I smiled and hoped for the best too.

Journal Entry Fifty Six:

Okay, Sirius has definitely moved up on the friends list. I know I know I shouldn't say things like that. But he brought me a peppermint mocha. I did not think the house elves could make those. I am wondering how he pulled it off, who he had to bribe and how in the universe he got coffee into Hogwarts. 

Mmmmm peppermint mocha. 

Now I am hyperly on caffeine and going like gangbusters. But I am still worried about my little boys. I have not found any evidence that they are anywhere in the Gryffindor Tower. No where. I even had Ms. Nicci check the Slytherine Dungeon. 

 GAAA! 

I am trying not to freak out. (the mocha is helping yes, in a way.... too much caffeine could be bad... really bad.)

Random thought... why is Sirius being so caring? I mean yes I asked him and he told me what we talked about when I had my little breakdown the other night but really... why would he help me? I am not one of his boys. I am not some pretty girl he wants to have a massive make out session with. I am just plain old me. Just me... 'kit. I do not understand him. Not at all.

A conspiracy of friends...

 This is my NANO (national novel writing month) so grammar is on the back burner more so then ever.  I am checking spelling but that does not mean I won't miss something... read if you want and enjoy if you can...      

Journal Entry Forty Nine:

The tracking potion is almost ready for the necklace. I hope Sayen is able to get it to us soon. I do not want to use it on something that might not be cursed and I definitely do not want it to go to waste. We have worked too hard on it to let it go to waste.

James stayed with me the whole time I was working on the potion. Then he literally walked me back to the stairs of the girls dorm rooms. Then when I got up Peter walked with me to the classes we were in together and Remus walked with me to the others. James and Sirius sat with me at lunch and then we all, including Lily, worked on homework together in the common room. And in study hall Ms. Nicci sat with me.

I think they are conspiring to stay with me and make sure I do not go off the deep end this year. I just wish I could tell them I wasn't going to. Because I think I about slipped again.

A neatly scripted note with a tape tear:

'kit.

Here you go. It was not easy to get this. Please find out who is doing this to our friends. Rei is getting worse. Much much worse. It is starting to affect 'gail and I fell affected too. If you need anything let me know. I will be there as fast as I can apperate. Be safe.

Your girl Sayen

Journal Entry Fifty:

That is is I know the boys are conspiring to keep me okay. Sirius sat with me tonight as I worked on the potion. I am not going to add the necklace tonight that is tomorrow. But he stayed with me all night. He hates potions. He is constantly blowing up his and James' cauldron. The poor professors do not know what to do with him. But he stayed with me and talked about everything he could think of. Including a few of the girls he liked. I don't know if he will ever settle down but I suppose that is okay.

He also seem to be looking at me really intently, like he expected me to fall apart at any moment. I guess I would be a little jumpy too with all that I put him through the other night.

I might have to sit all of them down and have a talk about alone time for me.

I think I need some troupe cuddle times. Yeah I think that is what I need to do this week.

Journal Entry Fifty One A:

We are adding the necklace tonight. It will be me, Remus and James. Sirius and Peter will be playing look out hopefully it will go well and we will be able to get a read on who is doing this to us.

On the couch with Mr. Black...

 This is my NANO (national novel writing month) so grammar is on the back burner more so then ever.  I am checking spelling but that does not mean I won't miss something... read if you want and enjoy if you can...       

 

Journal Entry Forty Seven A:

Classes are getting harder and I am trying to get my OWL done. I am stressed out of my mind. I do not know if I can keep doing this. If I am even capable.

I think I am loosing it again.

I need cookies and chocolate and coffee and cuddles by the fireplace. 

NO! TOAST WITH BUTTER AND COCO!!! That is what I want, toast with butter and hot coco.

But I will never get it never... never never never.....

GAAAAAAAAH!!!

Journal Entry Forty Seven B:

Okay, who took over Sirius' body because the boy I just sat and cried over a cup of hot coco with could not have been the same boy who would throw exploding snaps at my feet in Transfiguration. No, it could not be the same boy who would laugh at me when my mail exploded in my hands because he slipped in a firecracker. It is impossible that he was the same boy who traded my shampoo so my hair was blue for a whole month in my third year. No could not be him. Had to be a doppelganger.

I completely lost it. I headed out to find some hot chocolate and a couple of pieces of toast, because toast with honey is just divine when you are blue. And ran into Sirius who was heading back to his bed with a few snacks of his own. He started to make a flippant comment, I don't even remember how it was suppose to go because I was so upset about things, but he stopped mid-sentence as he saw my face. He placed his hand on my shoulder and I crumpled. The physical weight of how I was feeling just landed on me and I crumpled to the floor.

I don't know how he managed it but he got me to the couch and got coco and toast with honey. He just sat with me there and let me cry. I don't know if I actually told him what was going on and right now I am not sure if I care. But he just held me and I fell asleep. Out cold on the couch with Sirius Black. Yeah I know, not front page news but for me it was a big deal. When I woke up he was still there. He had not left to go to bed, he was sleeping next to me just holding me. Not my first choice but I probably would have remembered what I said to Remus I probably would have babbled about things that would have been really embarrassing if it had been Remus and James would have gone and gotten Lily or Ms. Nicci. (Though how a Gryffindor would have gotten into the Slytherin common room in the middle of the night is beyond me.)

It was still dark out not dawn but not midnight time frame. I got him to go up to bed and I did too. Morning classes are going to come way to early. I should try and sleep now. It might be a good idea.

Journal Entry Forty Eight:

Classes are going to be hard this time around. I do not know if I can complete anything. I am feeling so at the end of my rope.

I just do not know what to do. Life should not be this hard. I want to complete all things. GAH!!!!

Okay, I need to get a grip and focus. Take things one step at a time that is all I can do.

James and I are working on the potion tonight because Remus, well, it is a full moon. So that means Sirius and Peter will be with him.

I told James that he didn't have to come and sit with me. He just shrugged and said that it wasn't a problem and that with a spell like this there should be two people there at all times.

I think maybe I talked a little bit more than I thought I did to Sirius but right now I am not complaining.

Pickpockets and tracking..

 This is my NANO (national novel writing month) so grammar is on the back burner more so then ever.  I am checking spelling but that does not mean I won't miss something... read if you want and enjoy if you can...     

Journal Entry Forty Five:

Mwahahahahahaha! I love wand study. Have I mentioned that? I love it and I love looking at what things are inside. So I did a little more wand study in Herbology again. The cores of wand are unique and the properties of combining cores with wand wood are an amazing thing as well. I know my core will work well with my wand wood. I do actually have a phoenix feather as a core. I know it is actually very rare in the United States to get a true phoenix feather but I did get one in mine and with sequoia wood it makes for a very strong willed and loyal wand. My wand has not failed me and I doubt it every will.

Just like my core of crafting. I hope to come up with really good combinations when I work with wands. Of course I don't really know if that is what I am going to end up going into but I really do enjoy it.

Sometimes however, you have to hide. That is why I like making the Gray Wrapped Wings... it allows me to hide. I love the fact that we covered disillusionment charms in, well, Charms. I have been able to hide multiple things now because of it. 

Actually I have become very proficient with the charm itself.

Even, as necessary, the troupe. I hope I will never totally have to hide them. I don't think they would stay with in the confines of the charm.  Actually they don't.  It is always interesting to try and control the whereabouts of a ferret.  Then multiply that by eight.  Wrangling kittens has nothing on keeping ferrets in check.

A neatly scripted note:

'kit.

Talk to Lily,

I am sure she has some ideas of how to make yourself more or less noticed. And I am sure things are looking up. I will try and get the necklace from Rei. I am clever that way and she trust me enough to at least let me hold it. I also am a very efficient pickpocket as you well know. I will try and get it to you with in the next week, because I know you need it for the tracking spell.

Be careful. This is a dangerous thing you are doing. And you or Remus could get very very hurt. 

Miss you already.

Sayen.

Journal Entry Forty Six:

I do miss Sayen already too and she just left yesterday. 

And she will always be a little pickpocket in my mind.

I recall how I met her. My family and I were traveling through the west. And we ran into another wizarding family. They had a daughter my age and we just clicked. Until I noticed my bracelet was missing. It was my favorite bracelet, a charm bracelet that had a little bead for different events in my life hanging from it. They were beads that I had made myself and so the bracelet was very very very important to me. I had even put a tracking spell on it so it would eventually return to me or I would find it. 

Well, I did find it, hanging off of Sayen's wrist. 

We had a rather loud argument over it. And it took my mother and her father three hours to disentangle us from the yarn explosion we caused. It was the first sign that we had the 'witch' abilities. We both were ecstatic about it. And basicly became fast friends, once she gave me back my bracelet.

I just hope that Rei does not have that on her necklace I am afraid it might interfere with our tracking spell. I will have to ask Remus about if another tracking spell would or would not interfere with our tracking spell.

Tears in my Butterbeer...

 This is my NANO (national novel writing month) so grammar is on the back burner more so then ever.  I am checking spelling but that does not mean I won't miss something... read if you want and enjoy if you can...    

Journal Entry Forty Three A:

Remus and I started working on the spell last night. It was a perfect night to start it. You don't have to have all the tracking items to start the spell, but we will need them in about a week. I am exhausted from the preparations and set up we did last night. I actually believe that Remus let me sleep for a few minuets. Because I found his school robes lain over me when I opened my eyes again. If my life was different and his life too. He keeps himself so distant because of his condition. But he is my friend and that is the way it is going to have to stay, I suppose. I am not one of those girls who does love spells. Too many consequences. I do not need to end up with puppy love (oh that could be a really bad pun... and Sirius would have loved it too and would have said it was about him.)

I feel like such a girl right now. Yes, I am a girl, I will always be a girl, but when I say I feel like a girl it is a whole other complication. It is a sense of I am fretting over a boy, or wanting to wear pink, or picking at a salad because of my weight, instead of living my life to be me.

It is a little disturbing.

Journal Entry Forty Three B:

Sayen contacted me. She will be in Hogsmead tomorrow. YEA!!!! I am so happy. It will be good to see her. I miss my friends from home. I am really happy that she was able to go on this trip with her family. Her father is a research wizard who has been studying the migration patterns of fairies. He is a very interesting man. Maybe I will even get an opportunity to talk to him this summer.

Journal Entry Forty Four:

I got to see and spend the whole day with Sayen. It was great. I told her everything that was going on. I mean she knew all of what had happened last year but now she knows what is going on this year. And she knows how much doubt I have too. I have a lot of doubt again. Doubt about what I am doing whether or not I should continue study at Hogwarts, if I should go and be with my friends at WinterWare. Sayen was wonderful through it all. I completely lost it over a pint of butterbeer. 

(Side note: I love butterbeer. I would drink it all day long if I could. It makes me feel so happy. It is almost as good as coffee. And that is saying something.)

But no really I lost it over a pint of butterbeer. I just seem to crumple. I cried and shook and raged about everything. About how I seem to be failing at school, which she said I was not that I was doing great and achieving a lot of things. How I seem to be failing my friends and bringing darkness into their lives. She said I was not doing that either. That I was bring hope by fighting my own darkness and noticing when others were getting to that same spot I was. Then she went on to say if I brought up my body image again she was going to stick me in a leather bustier, skinny jeans and silver stiletto heels and apparate me into Hogwarts main hall and see what the boys did then. At the sheer terror look that must have been across my face at that time she burst out laughing. 

“You need to figure out you 'kit.” She told me. “What you want... not what other people want. Not what I want from you. Not what your parents want from you. Not what your trouble maker boys want from you. Not what the professors at Hogwarts want from you. Not what Rei and Abigail want from you. Not even what your troupe of ferrets want from you.” At this point in time she took my hand. “No you need to figure out what you want, figure out what makes you happy and go with it. Make it happen and make the life you want.” She smiled at me. “Until then you will be unhappy and unable to move forward with life.” I know she is right. But that does not make it any easier to accomplish.

I will say we did wander around Hogsmead and I picked up some wonderful candies at the sweet shop and a couple of books at the book store too.

Journal Entry Forty Five:

The troupe glitterfid the dorm room. Dumbles told me it was because they felt it had been too long and we needed some inspiration again. So now I am sparklie. I hate being sparklie. I like sparklies but I hate being sparklie.

friends and defenses...

This is my NANO (national novel writing month) so grammar is on the back burner more so then ever.  I am checking spelling but that does not mean I won't miss something... read if you want and enjoy if you can...    

A letter in nice neat script on crisp parchment paper...

 

'Allo kit.

I know I have not written you all year but I have been really really really busy. My family and I have been traveling around the world. And encountering many many different types of witches and wizards. I have so much to tell you. There is this wonderful witch in Italy who does coffee and tea magic. I think you would like her store. It is amazing. There are amazing wizarding towns all over the world. I really liked the one in Italy and the one we went to in India. Austraila was interesting, I don't know if I like the town there, but there were a couple of interesting aborigines that were friendly.

I have a few items for you, Abigail and Rei. My parents and I will be in England next week and maybe we can meet up. I know you get the chance to go into Hogsmead on the weekends, so maybe we can meet up there. I understand there is a really good pub that serves wonderful Butterbeer.

My mom is so out of her element sometimes. She still has very muggle moments. But she is better than some. Of course my brother is driving me nuts as always and so is my sister. Both seem to be getting into their magical roots. Taking after dad. Quid seems to think he should be able to fly all the time. He is loving Quidditch. Personally I think he fell in love with it because it is similar to his name. Quidel is very similar to Quidditch. He thinks that the United States team should be a bit more aggressive in getting over to the European circuit but as I said he is a little obsessed.

Anyway, I will contact you through the floo network to let you know the time we will be in Hogsmead.

My parents are looking at sending Quid to Hogwarts if they would accept him. If they send a letter. We are hoping they do. I enjoyed my time at my school but I think he would be happier going to Hogwarts. Alyen we don't know yet. She has had a couple of odd things happening but she is who she is and she loves home. If she could have dad teach her she probably would.

Okay, got to dash and get this off to you. Talk soon.

Sayen

Journal Thirty Nine A:

With everything going on I have missed Quidditch. I swear according to Sirius it was the end of the world. I think it is life running away with me and more important things happening.

I am trying to get classes done so that Remus and I can start working on the tracking spell.

Journal Entry Thirty Nine B:

I spoke with 'gail. Or rather I got yelled at by her. It is not fun getting yelled at by a friend. First she sends me a note through the floo network and demands that I talk to her. Then she yells at me. I understand that what I was speaking about with Rei was upsetting but it needed to be said. I tried to convince 'gail to get her necklace if she could and send it to me. She did not seem to want to do that. She seem to think that I am obsessed and that I was projecting my own problems on to Rei, who is very sensitive and influenced by what I say and do.

I need to try and get some sleep. Things are getting crazy. Once I get the necklace I can go after who is cursing us.

Journal Entry Forty:

Classes are definitely keeping me on my toes. And I made cooties... well sort of. They are not really cooties but a friend told a story about how someone viewed ladybugs as cooties.  I can understand that as they 'attacked' in a small space.  I decided to run with it.  I think they turned out incredibly well.

I like them... I might have to make a larger army of 'cooties'. Mwahahahahhahaha!!!

Journal Entry Forty One:

I hate being wet. Really hate it. I like how the spell turned out but I hate being wet. And it hurt my hands. Grrrr.

Now all I have to do is figure out how I am going to utilize it.

Journal Entry Forty Two:

Remus and I have found a spot to make up the potion and work the spell, now all we need is the necklace. Maybe Sayen can help convince Rei to give me the necklace.  

'gail has stopped talking to me I think and that is upsetting to me.